Negotiators need to connect with others on a deeply personal level, are very trusting and good at talking.
Fisher says that she is a negotiator, though she sometimes veers into explorer territory; she guesses immediately that I am an explorer.
'I’ve run into two men recently with whom I have had splendid times talking, but I’m not attracted to them and they’re not attracted to me, and that is because they are both builders. He is charming, he is funny, he is my age and single, but I just know that down the road we’re going to go to the same restaurant every night, and every weekend we are going to have to do dinner parties.’ She smiles again.
'And I can tell you now that I am not a dinner-party girl.’ Over the years Fisher has seen many shifts behind the way that we date, and two in particular.
So why can’t you be instantly romantically in love?
You have a conversation for a few minutes, the person flirts with you, smiles, expresses real interest in you and BOOM!
There is the Explorer, a sensation-seeker ruled by dopamine; the Builder, a respecter of authority driven by serotonin; the Director, analytical and ruled by testosterone; and the Negotiator, intuitive and fired by oestrogen.
’– she claps her hands together in delight – 'you’re off to the races.’ Dr Fisher knows a lot about love.
What she doesn’t know about it is, perhaps, not worth finding out about.
(For the record, she and her sister share the same personality type.) She has no children but was married briefly in her early twenties and has had several long-term relationships since. I found him endlessly fascinating.’ Fisher may be in her sixties but she has the spirit of someone much younger.
Her partner of 30 years recently died of throat cancer; she wells up talking about him. She has been dating again, though her research leads her to believe that she won’t pursue the people she has been seeing.